Emails and flying furniture

My son despises the sounds fellow humans make, like coughing, sneezing, clearing the throat, sniffling, nose blowing, and hiccups. All of these are behavior triggers, namely in the classroom. At home, once stepdad (a.k.a. the Big Bad Wolf, a.k.a. the disciplinarian) is present, it is rare that a violent behavior will surface. At school, though, if someone coughs, furniture gets overturned and flung like a poltergeist. Only, it's not a poltergeist; it's my boy. I don't know what it is about coughing that pisses him off so badly, but when your throat tickles and you feel a cough coming on, you better hope we're not in the vicinity.

I'll switch for a sec to some more positive news. His awesome teacher has been showing him how to use email, so a few times a week he'll send me an email from his very own account at school. An email to most people isn't a thrilling thing, but when my autistic son whose behaviors normally overshadow his talents sends me an email (something totally new to him), it's like I'm Katniss Everdeen and that email is one of those sponsor balloons cascading toward me from the sky with a speck of hope inside. I notice the font color he uses, the way he spaces out all his words, and his random (often hilarious) thoughts.

The very first email he sent me. *Heart flutters*

Now getting back to the coughing thing.

His teacher is outstanding about daily communication. I never have to wonder what he does on a daily basis, if there are incidents, or whether or not he had a great day. If he hears coughing or other such noises, sometimes he throws stuff. They move other students out of harm's range and take him into a quiet area for a break or sometimes outside for a walk.

For months, the teacher and I have been pondering how to get a grip on this situation. And the other day when I was in the kitchen about the use the blender, it hit me. Every time I vacuum or use a loud appliance, I tell him to plug his ears and he does so without hesitation. So now, every time we're around coughing, or I am about to cough, I tell him to plug his ears. This might not work every time because coughing is most often random and unpredictable, but it's worth a shot. The point is that plugging the ears will help solve two problems: 1) it will muffle the annoying sound, and 2) it will keep his hands occupied to distract him from grabbing and throwing.

Teacher used this method on him while the class was at IHOP on a school outing. A lady nearby was coughing, and teacher noticed he was getting agitated. She told him to plug his ears, and it alleviated the situation. Happy news! And then another day ... she tried it in the classroom, and he decided that throwing a desk was better than ear plugging, as you can see in his email below. He tells on himself while being the dedicated foodie that he is.

I love his brain so very much. Hope is never lost. We'll keep at it and see how our new method works out. 

Book solace

I'm having one of those "Awwwww" moments. You know, when your kid does something out of the norm that gives you the warm and fuzzy feeling inside. Yea, that. 

My autistic teen has been a little aggravated lately, and I can't get him to express what is on his mind. I feel so helpless whenever I can't seem to help him snap out of doom and gloom. With him, it could be any number of things. School ended a couple weeks ago, throwing off his routine. Today was the first day of ESY (extended school year/summer school). I didn't get any frantic calls from teachers or admin, so I think it's safe to imagine it was a good day. His aunt, my sister Yazzy, was in the hospital for a week the beginning of June with heart issues. My baby sis (29) had to get a pacemaker. I was absent day after day, spending as much time at the hospital with her and the family as possible while he had to remain home with stepdad, waiting for me to come home. Many nights, I didn't get home until after he was tucked in. So all things considered, I'm not sure if that is what has built up in his mind and is bugging him. Or, it could be something as simple as a headache or boredom, and he just can't find the words to express it. He's been smiling less, refusing hugs, lying around humming to himself, pacing. 

Damn you, autism.

Anyway, he doesn't like to read books, but when I went to pull in his bedroom door after he'd fallen asleep (the nightly routine), I noticed a Toy Story book lying on the pillow next to him. He's had it forever. That is on his short list of favorite movies, so obviously he found a way to comfort himself. He's never done this before. 

I swear I could've stood in that doorway staring at this adorable scene until sunrise. But I am not a stalker mom, so I smiled and shut the door quietly, feeling a speck of relief that my boy was able to find some solace and fall asleep peacefully (also with the help of melatonin). 

With an hour and a half to spare before my bedtime, I exhaled and finished up this beauty. It was supposed to be a dahlia, but I changed the petal arrangements midway to make it my own creation. I do that a lot. Can't help myself. It's just a prototype, anyway. I'm dabbling with giant crepe paper flowers. As the saying goes, practice makes perfect, right. Good thing my family doesn't mind that our house looks like a flower shop. Have I told you how much I love Italian crepe paper? 

Moment of truth

(*Note: This was the back story to a post I submitted on SMITH Magazine's Six Word Memoirs.)

Imagine how alarmed I've felt the last 2 days hearing my autistic son say repeatedly, "He touched the butt." This is a child who is verbal yet rarely expresses himself clearly. He often speaks in riddles, forcing us to crack codes and hunt for clues to figure out what he is really saying. Anyway, I checked in with the teacher, and she said nothing's awry at school as far as she knows. They keep a close eye on him at my insistence and because he tends to be very random with his not-so-pleasant behaviors. 

I decided I was going to get more info out of him cleverly. He kept saying this over and over, and I asked him, "Oh, yea? Who touched the butt." No answer. I waited. Then I asked again, "Hey, did somebody touch the butt? Person's name is __?" He often fills in the blank. This time, no answer. This continued all evening. I kept nagging him with my incessant yet subtle interrogation. If anyone messed with my boy, I was already getting revved up for war! 

After a zillion times, I tried one last time before he went to bed. This time, I tried a different angle to the question. "So ... somebody touched the butt. I wonder who it was. Hmmmm. Was it Optimus Prime? Hey, Optimus, did you touch the butt?" He has a giant cardboard Optimus Prime hanging on the wall in his room. 

Then from behind me, I hear, "NO. Nemo touched the butt." 

Then the fluorescent mental light bulb came on, and I remembered that scene from Finding Nemo; butt being "boat" since they didn't know how to pronounce this human word correctly. It was a hilarious scene and one of my favorites from the movie. My son, since he was tiny, has a habit of blurting out random lines from shows and movies. Another thing he's done since he was much younger is to correct me. It's a homemade tactic I came up with when he was around 5-7 to make him talk once I realized that saying something wrong annoys him into correcting me. Anytime I wanted to force him to speak, I'd say something totally false, like "Hmm. Look. This shirt is red." (It was blue.) After any length of silence, he'd blurt out, "It's BLUE!" 

*Wicked grin* 

So, I'm glad a burden was lifted off my shoulders like dropping a backpack full of bricks. Whew! All is well in the world again.

Hungry man angry man

It's been a rollercoastery few weeks, but as always we live to tell about it.

Week before last, there was an act of aggression (to say the least) toward a classroom aide during lunch one day. When the school's name comes up on my cell phone caller ID in the middle of the day, I cringe a little and get a stomach cramp, especially if I know it's not time to set up an ARD. I'm not surprised said incident happened during lunch. The kiddo tends to be most testy during feeding times. I've learned the hard way to never approach a hungry lion as it devours its prey (i.e., a hamburger and fries). Thank goodness for a patient and dedicated team at the school and for that being the first such episode all school year.

I still haven't figured out how to stop or quell the projectile-spitting issue after four years of it, which is a whole other set of interesting tales. But how boring would life be without such disgusting mysteries to crack, right?

Live and Learn

As I always say, he teaches me new things all the time. I was taught a lesson just the other day during breakfast, again, feeding time. Picture this. Chocolate chip poptart on his favorite red plastic plate. Avengers cup full of Crystal Lite passion fruit punch. Little blue pill next to it on the counter. Son seated on the bar stool. We were in a time crunch, so as soon as he wolfed down the poptart, I took the plate to rinse it off. Behind me I heard a growl and turned around to see him giving me the evil glare that means "Mommy, you screwed up." Then he mumbled, "Put.The.Plate.Down. Mommy." He sat seething for a few seconds before he swallowed his med and finished his drink. Prior to the plate incident, he'd been humming happily. Suddenly, he was Poker faced and silent. During the ride to school, he kept repeating the phrase "Put the place down," even during his favorite rap playlist. Apparently, I ruined his day by taking up the plate too soon.

Next morning, I noticed he ate his poptart with one hand while the other was holding down the plate. (I turned my back to him to giggle.) He didn't take his hand off the plate until he'd finished eating, took his meds, and finished his drink. Then he released the plate from captivity and nudged it toward me across the counter, imply, "OK to rinse." Point noted!

This morning, I was awakened at 6:30 a.m. by the sound of hysterical laughter and high-pitched singing. Needless to say, I got up with a smile.

Have a wonderful weekend, all.

Operation: Get Back to Normal

Happy Sunday,

As I mentioned last time, my son with autism has refused to hang out in my room (which was always the norm) because of a certain new, unwelcomed intruder I brought in here—my new 28-inch flatscreen TV and PlaySation 3 setup. (The 24-inch RCA's picture wasn't too impressive, so we exchanged it for a 28-inch LG, making it even more prominent on the desk.)

We're a bunch of home bodies, so we don't spend a lot of time chillin' outside the homefront. While I'm at my desk writing, reading, or making crafts, he usually roams around, chatting, humming, and just hanging out near me. Nowadays, he doesn't do that because of these new additions to my desk. I've been thinking of ways to make him feel comfy again and to understand that Mr. TV and PlayStation are not a threat. Here are my attempts at bringing back normalcy.

Attempt #1 - Be bold
Called his name and asked him, in a brisk tone, to come through the doorway and hang out with me for a while.

Attempt #2 - Music
I have a small stereo system on my dresser with all his CDs. We can't put a lot of items in his room because during tantrums he has proven to be part Hulk. So the DJ area must remain on my dresser if it is to have a prolonged life. He loves music, so this was his usual thing when hanging out with me, playing all his favorite songs and bobbing his head to the music. I opened up the large CD case so he could eyeball its content and told him to play me some music.

Attempt #3 - Computer time
My eldest son got a new laptop and left the old one in his room after moving away to college town. So we took it, cleaned out old files, updated the virus protection, dusted it off, and got it in working order. I put it on my bed, and turned it on to the Google search screen because he loves to look up restaurant menus and video game trailers and walk-throughs.

Attempt #4 - Conversation
I asked him questions about things he liked (through the doorway), hoping he'd feel compelled to come in and answer me face to face.

Attempt #5 - Candy
He may not enter and stay for a long time anymore, but I know that he peeks in from the doorway, so I decided to sprinkle some Starburst pieces all over my bed, dresser, and side table as a last-resort and desperate attempt to get him to come visit me.

Results

#1 - Fail
#2 - Fail
#3 - He surfed the Web for about 10 minutes. Just when I thought I'd won, he glanced over at me and my desk area, made a disgruntled face, and keeled over moaning like he was in pain for a few seconds before leaving. Drama queen! haha
#4 - Fail
#5 - He spotted the candy, walked into the room, picked up all the pieces of candy, and walked right back out. He ate them in his room.

So there. Not a total fail, but there was a surprising moment. He walked in during a period of non-attempts, patted me on the back lovingly, then left. That was priceless! Made me smile all day long. As for getting him back in there like it was in the pre-TV/PS3 days, I won't give up! I love him way too much for that. :)

New TV is a party pooper

Greetings and happy new year!

Jan. 1 was an exciting day as always for me, symbolizing a whole 365 (this year 366) new days of new possibilities. It also marked one day closer to my son's highly anticipated back-to-school extravaganza. He's been ready to go back into his comfortable routine since day 1 of winter break. He spent day 1 of the new year flooding the house with crocodile tears, moping from cabin fever and an extreme case of the boredom munchies.

His most recent catalyst of misery is the new 24-inch flat screen TV I got for my desk in my room. It's coupled with a Playstation 3 (I'm not cool enough for a 4 just yet). My room is also his evening hang-out spot where he paces from end to end, speaking our friendly banter, which sometimes consists of mouth-fart noises back and forth or one to two sentences on repeat. His joyful place to unwind before bedtime. Now, evil mommy went and changed something, and he's acting like his whole world has been shattered.

The first day or two, he would only inch one toe into my doorway, just enough to ogle the TV and Playstation with extreme suspicion, then walk back to his room. Once he attempted to peep inside just enough to eyeball me and say, "Put it downstairs?" When I said "No, honey, this is mom's new toy. It has to stay here." Silently, he went away. After five days, he's managed to enter his once enjoyable domain, but it's not the same. He enters walking sideways, keeping his back to my desk area, only facing toward the side of the room where these intruders aren't visible.

Backstory

Long, long ago when the sons were less than 10, mommy was a gamer. I was all about my Nintendo console, and both of them used to be seated, one on each side of me, watching me kick ass in Tekken, Street Fighter, Rayman, and Mario Cart, among others. As time went by, mommy got too busy with going back to college and working full-time to bother with video games.

Is it worth it?

My eldest is the one who set up this game station for me with a stack of games and insisted I get back in the "game." I've been super stressed out lately, and this was his way of saving my sanity. It has worked, except now I'm sad and guilt-stricken that in seeking out some fun for myself for a change I've destroyed my other boy's happy zone.

A family meeting ressulted in the husband and eldest son insisting that I leave everything the way it is, enjoy some innocent and well-deserved fun, and allow him time to adjust to the new additions, that one day soon enough, all will return to normal. I suppose they're right, but I always do the mom thing, put myself last, and cave in to whatever makes my baby happy. Logically speaking, he still has his own room in which to dwell, and a DVD player and movie collection all his own in the living room. He didn't seem to mind when I hung up all my handmade, giant paper flowers in that one corner when they were spread out all around the room before. This desk is my crafting, Netflix, writing, reading  AND now gaming station. It constantly evolves with my interests.

He'll be 18 in March, so it's time to toughen him up. It's not that I haven't been teaching him that life isn't always going to conform to him and his quirks, but sometimes, especially in our home, I bend the rules for him.

Time to play some Uncharted: Drake's Fortune!

Winter break blues

Most kids look forward to holiday breaks from school, but my autistic teen son views them as torture. It's only day 3 of his 2-week winter break, and he's aggravated. He is very dependent on routine and this year, he seems to LOVE school, so he misses it. It may have something to do with a couple girl names he's been mumbling to himself, mmHmmmm. On no-school days, one thing must not falter. His eating schedule. Breakfast at 9 a.m., lunch at 1 p.m., and dinner at 6 p.m. All else, well, that's the challenge.

He's a tough one to entertain because he doesn't like the outdoors (scared of bugs, birds, loud noises). He cannot handle crowds and too much chatter around him. He is a super good reader yet hates to read books or write. He gets fed up of his video games (refuses to evolve from a Playstation 2). His favorite things are food, water (as in bath, sink, ocean, etc.), mom, music, inside jokes, and random fits of laughter.

And seeing as how mom is on a tight budget at the present time, there isn't much we can do that won't be costly.

He just got annoyed because I was sneezing (hates sneezing, coughing, hiccup, and sniffling noises). So his stepdad called him downstairs to give me a break. They're watching Elf (one of his favorite movies).

Whew! When my sneezes make him keel over and groan, that's when I know we need time apart, lol (he's very attached to me).

So here are my ideas for keeping him entertained during this 2-week break (that's going to feel like 2 years).

- Some computer time
- Some video game time
- One short outing per day (an ice cream run, quick stop at a store, visit grandparents, go for a drive playing his favorite music in the car, a spin through the touch-free carwash, food outings)
- Canvas painting (he's good at art)
- Baking brownies/cookies

And that's all I've got for now. Bright ideas are welcome!